"I heard this today and I thought this was fascinating and interesting. President Bush has two daughters, two beautiful daughters, and they may work on their father's presidential campaign after they get out of college and I thought, well, that's a pretty good move because in this economy, they won't be able to find real jobs." -David Letterman

"The White House predicted 150,000 new jobs for the month that just passed. The statistics came back: 21,000. But, you know, the White House, always up for solutions through labeling. From now on, Americans who've lost their jobs will no longer be known as 'unemployed,' they are enjoying 'Operation Week-Day Freedom.'" —Bill Maher

"A Texas man, still drunk from four days of partying, broke into an airplane hangar and stole two planes, flying one into an power line, thus fulfilling his commitment to the Texas Air National Guard." —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"After all the voting on Tuesday, President Bush called John Kerry to congratulate him. I'm not sure what they talked about, but I think we can rule out swapping war stories." —Jay Leno

"Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?" —Jay Leno

"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See for President Bush it's different — his magic number is 5. That’s the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win." —Jay Leno

"John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle." —Craig Kilborn
- posted by Doug @ 11:30:00 AM